The key friendship skills that all children need to learn

(and lots of adults would do well to remember!)

We’re a couple of months into the new school year, which means that across the country, new friendships have been formed and strengthened - or broken or strained.

Making friendships isn’t always easy - and even after we've made friends, there are key skills to maintaining those friendships - so the Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health (ACAMH) is pleased to bring you some top tips from Eileen Kennedy-Moore, an author, psychologist and mother also known as ‘Dr Friendtastic’.

Stepping back to keep friends

“Sometimes, without meaning to, kids end up doing things that push friends away,” Eileen says. “They come on too strong or do things that annoy others.”

“Everyone makes social mistakes sometimes, and that’s okay as long as we quickly stop doing whatever is bothering the other person,” she adds - the skill of stepping back may involve a transition activity, like sitting on their hands or making a statement like ‘okay, I’ll stop now’, but it also involves knowing how to resolve arguments, giving friends the benefit of the doubt, and handling their own distress.

Eileen adds: “Stepping back is not an easy thing to do, but it’s important because it’s a way of caring for ourselves and others.”

Blending in to join friends

This skill helps kids to be part of a group of friends, rather than just having one-on-one friendships. It also involves making wise choices about which groups to join.

“The two main ways kids struggle with this skill are either by holding back and not entering the group or barging in, disrupting the on-going conversation or activity,” Eileen notes. “The key is to watch or listen to what’s going on, then slide into the action in a way that contributes to the on-going activity.”

Blending isn’t doesn’t mean being exactly the same as everyone - rather it’s about understanding and respecting others’ point of view, in order to find ways to play and be together.

Letting go to accept friends

Eileen says that while some kids “collect grudges like beads on a string” and “can recount in vivid detail every incident in which someone did something they didn’t like”, holding on to that sort of resentment doesn’t work.

She explains: “The skill of letting go is about accepting when things don’t go our way, or people don’t act the way we want, and moving past problems with friends. It also includes being a good sport about winning and losing and refraining from correcting other kids.”

And more…

ACAMH is delighted that Eileen will be going into depth on these and other friendship skills for kids in a webinar next February, with ACAMH members and non-members welcome, and non-members charged £10 to attend.

Even if you don’t join that event, there are plenty of resources around child and adolescent friendships and loneliness available for free from the ACAMH Learn platform, and on Dr Eileen’s website.

ACAMH Learn, the completely free CPD platform launched by ACAMH last year, includes a short podcast on what parents and carers need to know about research on self-harm behaviours and loneliness, a webinar with six experts looking ‘inside the teen brain’, and another session featuring 10 recommendations for the use of social media for adolescents. ACAMH’s podcast Mind the Kids (available on YouTube and all other major platforms) also featured an episode on loneliness published during Loneliness Awareness Week 2025.

Meanwhile, Eileen has recorded a number of videos of friendship tips that adults can share with their children, and her five-minute podcast Kids Ask Dr Friendtastic tackles a new question about friendship each week.

Eileen is also the co-author of Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to making and Keeping Friends.