Loneliness at university

How to manage feelings of loneliness at university

Starting university is a huge adjustment, one that comes with many unexpected changes and a mix of emotions. Research shows that while almost all students (92%) experience loneliness, nearly half (43%) worry they would be judged if they told someone they felt lonely. No matter where you are on your university journey, it’s important to understand that feeling lonely is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. We all feel lonely at times – it’s a natural human emotion. We all need to feel connected to other people. Loneliness is the unsettling feeling we get when this need is unmet. Just like feeling thirsty is a sign to grab a drink, loneliness is our body's way of telling us we need more meaningful connections.

Is it normal to feel lonely at university?

Data shows that more than one in four students (26%) is chronically lonely (feels lonely often or always). We all experience loneliness differently. It’s a common misconception that loneliness is limited to older people. In fact, it’s now the 16-24-year-olds who are the loneliest age group in the UK, and 16-29-year-olds are twice as likely to report feeling lonely often or always than those over 70 in the UK (9.7% versus 3.7%), research suggests.

Why do students feel lonely at university?

Moving away from home – Students who move out to live on campus, or in student accommodation can experience loneliness as a result of moving away from their family and friends who live nearby.
Finding it difficult to make new friends at university. Making new friends at university is not easy for everyone. Some students begin to feel lonely at university, due to not making new friends that they can study and socialise with.
Being a mature or international student. Some students who come from abroad or mature students may feel out of step with their peers and therefore, find it more difficult to make new friends, resulting in them feeling lonely at university.

Here, we provide some self-help tips to help you get back on track, and make the most of your uni experience.

Reach out and talk to someone

Starting university opens doors to new friendships and experiences, but it's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed, especially if you're away from home for the first time. Remember, many others around you are experiencing similar emotions. If you’re feeling lonely, it can be easy to bottle it up and withdraw from other people, but this is one of the worst things you can do. Try reaching out and speaking to someone about your troubles, like a flatmate or someone on your course. Chances are, they've felt the same way at some point.

Set yourself realistic goals

Begin with small steps. Challenge yourself to talk to a new person each time you attend a lecture or arrange a coffee date with a flatmate. Setting achievable goals, like attending social events or joining clubs, can gradually expand your circle of friends. Remember, the opposite of loneliness is connection, and it can only take a few meaningful connections to ease feelings of loneliness. So, we don't need to aim for a large group of close friends right away!

Discover societies and clubs

Universities are treasure troves of activities and societies waiting to be explored. Whether you're a sports enthusiast, a music lover, or a language aficionado, there's likely a society that aligns with your interests. You can usually find out about your uni’s clubs and societies on their website or at the ‘Fresher’s Fair’ which normally happens in the first few weeks. Joining a society is a great way to meet people with similar interests, become part of a community, and broaden your social circle.

Stay connected with home

While it's important to immerse yourself in university life, don't forget the comfort of home. Regularly reaching out to family and friends can uplift your spirits and provide a sense of stability amid new surroundings.

Craft a routine

Building a routine helps establish a sense of normalcy in your university life. Whether it's going to the gym, attending a weekly club meeting, or dedicating time for self-care, routines create anchors amidst the whirlwind of change.

Believe in yourself

Trust in your ability to adapt and thrive. Understand that periods of loneliness are usually temporary and part of everyone's journey. Positivity and kindness toward yourself encourages a positive outlook and better interactions with others.

Show up

Make an effort to attend classes and lectures. Consistent attendance not only keeps you on track academically but also presents opportunities to connect with your peers. You and your classmates are all there for the same reason, so try starting up a conversation about a particular topic that interests you. You could also ask to see if they want to study together. If you feel up to it, you could explore communal areas instead of isolating yourself in your room. Cafes, libraries, and common spaces offer chances to interact with others - even if it's just a friendly smile across the study table.

Expand your circle

The relationships you build at the beginning can often feel a bit forced. Do not feel you have to stick with one group of friends just because you live with them. If you feel like you do not quite fit in, then try to meet new people, whether they are classmates or people in a society. Try changing your seat occasionally in lectures - this simple step can lead to conversations with different classmates and expand your social network.

Embrace part-time jobs

A part-time job at university can be a great idea! You will earn money to help with the costs of university life and you will meet new people. This will help you feel less isolated and might lead to meaningful relationships with your colleagues. If you get a sociable job like working in a restaurant, you will have the chance to chat with different people every day. Read more about tips for working part-time at university.

If loneliness persists and affects your mental well-being, don't hesitate to seek help. You could talk to your GP, or find out if your university offers mental health services for students. There are many mental health helplines which are available at all times of the day and night, including Mind and the Samaritans, or text services like The Mix.

Ben's story

Ben, 22, is a graduate from London. He experienced loneliness in his first term at Bristol University. After a conversation with friends from home, Ben realised that he wasn't alone in feeling isolated. He talks about some of the issues students face and what people can do to form new friendships and make the most of their university experience.

"For a young person, the early days of uni are the most uprooted you can feel. I’ve moved schools but they were natural life stages and everyone else was doing it. Going to uni is another life stage but it’s completely different. I’d lived in London my whole life and suddenly I was away from my family, the friends I’d grown up with and all the places I knew.

What makes it worse is that there are a lot of people on social media saying they’re making all these new friends and are out having the time of their lives. You see it happening, but you don’t feel it happening. You’re trying to get the measure of a place, meet people, fit in: there’s so much going on at once. You also lose all your structure - I had nine hours a week where I had to be in for lectures but that was it. Some people spent most of their time in their rooms. I was trying to meet people but I’d go back to my room at the end of the day and feel like I’d made no progress and I wasn’t clicking with people. You don’t want to tell your family how you’re feeling because they think it’s amazing you’ve gone off to university, and you also don’t really want to tell your friends so you post sanitised versions of your life online instead.

It took going back home for Christmas for things to start changing. I talked to my friends who were also at uni and there was mutual understanding that everyone was feeling the same way, that it wasn’t just me. Sometimes you have to hear it to believe it and speak it into existence.

Talking to my friends broke the spell of loneliness and after that things started clicking into place. I realised that uni life wasn’t how it was portrayed in stories and movies. Looking back now, I had an amazing time and made some great friends but it wasn’t this rose-tinted experience.

You have to find like-minded people, it might require a bit of a push and it doesn’t feel very nice at times but that’s the way you find your people. If you tell someone how you’re feeling and they react badly, you know that person isn’t for you. But if you don’t ask, you don’t know. If someone is supportive and says ‘I feel the same, let’s go for a coffee,’ that could be the start of a real friendship. Opening up makes you feel vulnerable but you build connections that way.

I would also say that if someone isn’t very supportive, just roll with it. It doesn’t have to impact your relationship with them - some people are good for a night out and other friends will be your rock. You can have different friends for different reasons and the sooner you know who people are you can build a connection with them. There is more awareness around mental health now and that you’re not weird for feeling a certain way – we can all have difficult times. If you’re struggling with loneliness at university, look to your peer group. Everyone is in the same boat and going through some sort of turmoil, whether they’re cut out for the course or not, making friends, or their partner is in a different city. You just have to find your people, even if it’s just messaging someone and checking in with something like: ‘It’s been a while mate, hope you’re alright, give me a shout if there’s anything you need.’ It’s finding your level with it."

Our three step approach

Loneliness can often feel overwhelming and something out of our control, so it can be useful to have a starting point. To help you and others to feel less lonely we have framed it into three parts.